Poop Score

How many times has this happened to you?

You: I just dropped a monster dump.

Your friend: Not as monster as the one I dropped this morning.
You: No way, my shit was sick.
Your friend: You don't understand, I dropped a bomb.
You: We've both already flushed. There's no way we'll ever know.
Your friend: ARGH!!!

Well good news ladies and gentleman: I have a solution.

Poop Score

Finally, a way to score the quality of a poop. I have been working with a local think tank to come up with a system of points that can used to help quantify a poop. It's not perfect, but it's the best we've got right now. Feel free to send in comments and suggestions.
Research seems to dictate that there are three main aspects of a poop: Size, length and style. It would be unfair to let any one aspect overshadow another, so a score will be divided up into three sections as such:

Size:Length:Style

The size score will simply be a metric measurement (grams per cubic centimeter) of the density of the poop. We realize that not everybody has a waterproof scale near their toilet, so we believe the best way to maintain accuracy is to score in ranges.

1 g/cm3 to 10 g/cm3 = range 1

11 g/cm3 to 20 g/cm3 = range 2

21 g/cm3 to 30 g/cm3 = range 3

And so forth. We decided that anything less than 1 g/cm3 should not be considered a poop, but rather a hershey squirt.

The length score will also be a metric measurment (centimeters) from one end of the poop to the other. We considered measuring the longest intact section of the poop, but decided that little sheep pooplets deserve to be considered along with everybody else's poop. The same ranges as above will be used. If there is any question as to which range your poop may fall in, round down.

1 cm to 10 cm = range 1

11 cm to 20 cm = range 2

If you manage to produce a poop that is less than 1 cm long but greater than 1 g/cm3 in density, then you, my good man, have created the elusive 'Pancake' poop and will be awarded a medal.

The style score is a little bit trickier. We can't award points for every stylistic aspect of a poop so we feel that a somewhat subjective 1.0 - 10.0 range is best. Like gymnastics. The following characterstics shall be judged by the style score:

Smoothness

Staining the toilet

Smell (Potency/Duration)

Variablity of color (Less variablity is good)

Sounds

There you have it. As stated before, please send in comments, suggestions and even some of your own poop scores! We hope that this sytem can used to help foster competition and encourage people to strive for the best.